HOW TO MAKE TOFU SCRAMBLE

First, put your skillet on the stove and turn it up to medium-high heat.
Extract the block of tofu from its packaging and let it drip water over the sink for a little bit.
Over the skillet, crumble the tofu with your hands. if you like it chunky, then, like, leave chunks as you crumble.
OK, it's go time now. Get some tumeric into that beast of a dish. This will turn it yellow.
Add a little bit of black pepper while you're at it.
SALT!
Garlic and onion powder if you have either of those.
Black salt also if you have that. But just a little bit.
Paprika can do anything.
If you have any kind of umami seasoning (like something from mushroom) you should add that, also.
If you want to add a small amount of vegetables, you should also do that.
It should be sizzlin' by now (unless the vegetables you added were frozen, in which case you'll just have to wait).
Maybe grab a little bit with a fork, blow on it to cool it off, and see if it needs anything. You are an artiste and this tofu scramble is your latest masterpiece, and your discretion is what goes here, dangit.
A tiny bit of vegan mayonnaise can increase the egginess of this thing.
Turn that stove off once it tastes not-bad. Let it sit for a minute.
Eat that scrample with some vegan sausage or toast or something. I don't know. I'm not your mom. Maybe you want to eat it with spaghetti as a side. Or cole slaw. I said you're an artiste, after all, and I'm just going to have to trust that whatever you want to eat your tofu scramble with is just what it needed to be paired with.